Strongly agree https://t.co/S1fyTMPWFd
— Martin Saunders is on a break (@martinsaunders) September 19, 2021
If you listened very carefully just then you could actually hear me ovulate #strictly #GregWise
— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) September 18, 2021
I avoid French beaches like the plage.
— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) September 18, 2021
I tell you what, if they give Gavin Williamson a knighthood they better be giving one to every single person who has worked in a school over the last 18 months.
— Secret Headteacher (@secretHT1) September 18, 2021
Oh no not ANOTHER national crisis, this really is the final blow pic.twitter.com/eCvqEV489G
— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) September 19, 2021
Your annual reminder that Tess Daly is three months older than Jacob Rees-Mogg #strictly
— Jack Blackburn 🇺🇦 (@HackBlackburn) September 18, 2021
This needs to be available as a ring tone https://t.co/sntS0YsZTP
— The Poke (@ThePoke) September 18, 2021
“You’re very quiet!”
— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 19, 2021
“And you’re annoyingly loud, so there you go”
Mum died 18m ago Im waiting to do as she wished with her ashes (C19) I found her tube of ashes on top of daughters packed boxes for uni. “Grans coming with me, she hasn’t had a holiday for years and she can see the sea from my window – don’t worry, I’ll bring her back at Xmas” 🤦♀️
— Mrs C (@chriscraigCCC) September 19, 2021
We got used to foreign football managers pretty easily. Why not Merkel for PM?
— Hugh Laurie (@hughlaurie) September 20, 2021
Pastors: what's the worst flub you've had while leading worship?
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) September 19, 2021
I once mixed up "Let's bow before the Lord" and "Please bow with me in prayer" and literally told the congregation to "Bow before me in prayer."
🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 #GBBO pic.twitter.com/7FsNfsEQ7c
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 21, 2021
For a show that is focused around goodness, warmth and friendship, there really aren't many better things than watching someone get everything completely wrong.#GBBO
— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 21, 2021
The main consequence of a three-day week is that we would seriously have to rethink the #HouseOfGames scoring system.
— Richard Osman (@richardosman) September 21, 2021
Oh @CBeebiesHQ I COULD NOT LOVE YOU MORE. This means so much to us and ISN’T GEORGE AMAZING!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👍🎉🎉🎉🎉 https://t.co/Ap14iA8lkd
— Sally Phillips (@sallyephillips) September 20, 2021
I am in my GP surgery.
— Dr Mike (@EmergMedDr) September 20, 2021
The doors were not locked.
They are making appointments and seeing patients.
Don’t listen to the media nonsense about GPs being closed. pic.twitter.com/bJOaYZVovz
When the Bake Off ad break hits and the kitchen snack hunt begins. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/TyipjxYVfK
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 21, 2021
Due to popular demand… we’ve giffed up THAT Prue and Paul moment. #GBBO pic.twitter.com/3o02vFa7tU
— British Bake Off (@BritishBakeOff) September 21, 2021
Narrator: and defying gravity becomes harder and harder
— innocent drinks (@innocent) September 21, 2021
Yeah, because defying gravity is famously incredibly easy.#GBBO
No, I think you're experiencing low supply. pic.twitter.com/yXX5cSa8x3
— Jonathan Calder (@lordbonkers) September 21, 2021
I’m starting to think these people don’t need a husband or wife. They need a therapist. #MarriedAtFirstSight
— Rob Beckett (@robbeckettcomic) September 21, 2021
Being a parent is teaching your children that it’s kind to share and then eating a packet of crisps as quietly as possible in the toilet so you don’t have to give any to them.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 22, 2021
There's a media witch hunt underway.
— Dr Rachel Clarke (@doctor_oxford) September 22, 2021
But GPs – like everyone in the NHS – are doing the best they can with the resources provided.
A decade's deliberate underfunding has left us all struggling to meet patients' needs.
GPs are being set up to fail.
Please don't blame them.
Hey Walmart? I have a very important question to ask… pic.twitter.com/4urxJ5FXUk
— A GREAT BIG BUSHY BEARD! (@cordialwombat) September 21, 2021
In a statement about a report that literally says violence against women and girls is not a government priority, the minister keeps saying its a priority, which I suspect means she can't have read the report.
— Jess Phillips MP (@jessphillips) September 22, 2021
— pictures of the end (@neighbours_wifi) September 21, 2021
Ways in which Bake Off is like church:
— Molly Boot (@MollyBoot1) September 21, 2021
1. Cake
2. Inexplicable intro = all age worship segment
3. I can only imagine they yearly misplace the marquee
4. Prue – quirky associate priest
5. Paul – HTB pastor
6. Noel – Alt-worship practitioner
7. Matt – hapless church warden
Got a sitcom idea. Set in the 70s. Mrs T (thatcher) is married to Mr T (a team). Deeply in love but both trying to keep it quiet for sake of their careers. Any takers?
— Richard K Herring (@Herring1967) September 22, 2021
Her Channel Tunnel project is secretly a romantic gesture – because he ain’t getting on no plane
— Dave Gorman (@DaveGorman) September 22, 2021
— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) September 21, 2021
The old couple on our street who put their bin out first are on holiday. There’s blue bins out, there’s green bins out. Someone two doors down has gone brown. It’s fucking carnage.
— Man vs Baby (@mattcoyney) September 20, 2021
Have to admire how @Herring1967's body of work is completely incomprehensible to social media algorithms. pic.twitter.com/JFkOtQNVXO
— KeyPickles (@KeyPickles) September 23, 2021
It's discourteous at the very least pic.twitter.com/No21ObJcY9
— Emma Jacobs 💅 (@emmavj) September 22, 2021
Chinese people learning English often memorise the word ‘ambulance' by associating it with a Chinese phrase ‘An bung neng si’, which means ‘I can’t die’.
— Quite Interesting (@qikipedia) September 23, 2021
If you scroll down to the bottom of your Whatsapp main screen it’s an absolute friendship graveyard.
— Charlie Jamison (@CharlieJamison) September 21, 2021
Let’s hope the third series has at least 50 episodes. #lovethisshow https://t.co/3jJnD2wStH
— Steph McGovern (@StephLunch) September 23, 2021
my favorite kind of meetings are the ones that get cancelled
— George Kedenburg III (@GK3) September 23, 2021
So sorry the bleeped version of Taskmaster got accidentally played out tonight but I’m so delighted to see so many people livid about a lack of bad language. Normal service resumed next week. #XXXXup
— Greg Davies (@gdavies) September 23, 2021
Petrol and gas and food on supermarket shelves all so over-rated. Give me a blue passport any day of the week …
— ALASTAIR CAMPBELL (@campbellclaret) September 23, 2021
Can we just admit we made a mistake and rejoin say we’re sorry and we won’t do it again?
— The💙Reluctant💙Relcalcitrant (@SorryItisnotac1) September 23, 2021
Just checked with friends in Germany – they have no fuel shortages, no acute HGV driver shortages, no empty supermarket shelves, no gas crisis, no panic buying. “But we also have no Brexit,” as one of them pointed out.
— Gavin Esler (@gavinesler) September 24, 2021
Well, with the third round of panic buying in two years now on us and more foodbanks than branches of McDonald's, I think we can finally see that 'Johnsonism' can be defined as: repeatedly failing to make sure the country has enough food.
— @mrchrisaddison@dizl.de (@mrchrisaddison) September 24, 2021
Just saw someone call a non electric toothbrush an “acoustic toothbrush”
— Sarah (@idlewildgirl) September 23, 2021
We have a government much happier talking about theoretical upsides than planning against practical downsides. That is the current Brexit problem played out in fuel and supply issues.
— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) September 25, 2021
Panic buying is what other people do. I am just being prudent in uncertain circumstances.
— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) September 24, 2021
The 2021 John Lewis ad will show a family burning their belongings for heat and to cook a rat they caught for dinner whilst sadly looking at a photo of grandad who sacrificed his life for a litre of petrol as a breathy slow version of ‘Things Can Only Get Better’ by D:Ream plays.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 25, 2021
Just when I thought owning an electric car couldn’t make me any more smug.
— Matt Parker (@standupmaths) September 25, 2021
Can’t believe the stockpiling going on in my local Tesco pic.twitter.com/kAL94ewBQA
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) September 25, 2021
Tell me you have servants without telling me you have servants pic.twitter.com/dGcikGyLee
— Tom Hamilton (@thhamilton) September 21, 2021
Actually clapping and cheering so loudly in my hotel room at @bbcstrictly the next door room just banged on the wall#sorry #Strictly
— Kate Bottley (@revkatebottley) September 25, 2021
I've ADORED every single one of them so far!!!!! Utter and total JOY
— Marian Keyes (@MarianKeyes) September 25, 2021
Emma Thompson! And we thought Craig was the only Dame in the Ballroom! Oh no he isn't #panto #strictly pic.twitter.com/u0vp22yCHH
— BBC Strictly ✨ (@bbcstrictly) September 25, 2021
Boris Johnson’s speech about Kermit the Frog is much improved with the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme tune added to it. pic.twitter.com/8U2clMUjVs
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 23, 2021
So funny from last night😂😂 @TomFletcher @itsDannyJones @mcflymusic pic.twitter.com/IVFLr2otfo
— AmyMarieBaileyꕥ (@AmyMarieBailey) September 20, 2021
ineke.co.uk 
Anything to add...?